Saturday, May 28, 2011

Swerve and a Life Altering Crash!


Here is another untitled painting from my recent work. It’s acrylic and 24” x 48”

I consider it nearly done – not quite!

Sometimes there is just no explaining life. So I have had a big swerve in my art work and now a sudden life altering crash in my life – which I am certain will ultimately cause another different kind of swerve in my artwork again. I expect all of this to be incredibly good news and good stuff. In a nutshell, I ended up having emergency surgery, spent several days and nights in the hospital, and am home now doing fine, thank you.

I may ramble on a bit here – so fair warning – you might want to hit your delete button right now, but this has been one amazing journey. Don’t worry – I am not going into all the gory details. Talking about “meds” and “procedures” and medical stuff just makes me want to find a gun and shoot one of us in the head! However, I am  astounded nearly daily at the revelations I have been getting, and they bear recording I think. So here comes a bit of personal journaling.

Things I understand now that I didn’t fully understand before:

1) A new appreciation for pain and what it can do to you. I am no stranger to pain, and I have a high tolerance for it. I have been scalded with boiling water, set on fire, in a number of motorcycle and car wrecks, have had numerous concussions, have debilitating migraines, broken a few bones, and have had babies.  I have never experienced any pain like this.

2) Why hospitals don’t leave surgical tools laying around. Had I been able to gain access  I would l have started trying to cut my own pain out.

3) How someone could be driven to chew their own limb off. I get it now.

4) How creative people can easily get hooked on drugs. I’m not much of an “altered consciousness” fan. Not much of a drinker, dislike drugs, I like life straight and clear. Besides, my body doesn’t react in typical or normal ways to stuff. They had a very difficult time finding the right concoction of pain meds for me in the hospital. There was a period of time where it seemed like every 10-15 minutes they were pumping me full of morphine and something that sounds like “diluted”  and other chemicals that I have no clue what was – but it created a window of time – a creative encounter of sorts -  where I personally solved all the creative problems of the Universe! I did! It was genius! It was delightful and fun and I felt like I was completely clearheaded! I could not wait to get to my sketchbook to record all of these incredible ideas and paintings and sculptures - and there was something about floating through the sky in a rowboat that was awesome! And no, I don’t remember a thing about all of it now – and that is sad. Very sad, for me and the world – as I really did have genius ideas, concepts and solutions. I now have a little bit of a desire to recreate that experience – so I can see where chemistry and artistry may want to encounter each other…and how creative people may partake in that encounter.

Like I said - I have no interest in or tolerance for medical stuff, illnesses, medicines and am not a lovey-dovey, touchy-feely, nurturing, compassionate person. While my family knows without a doubt that I love them and would do absolutely anything for them – they would without hesitation agree with the above statement. If you need comfort and compassion – go to Dad. If you need raw truth and a kick in the a** – call Mom. Just the way it is. While I HOPE that this recent experience will soften me around the edges, and that I will become a more compassionate person, I’m not holding my breath. But I do understand a few things a little better now.

More revelations next time.

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