Monday, October 08, 2007

Explanation of a Negative Thing

I did this little 4"x6" Sparrow on Saturday (10-6-2007) Oil on Gallery Wrapped canvas - sides are painted.

Well, here it is - Monday. My goal is to post every day this week, with a new painting today through Wednesday. Thursday the plan is to hop on the train and head up to L.A. to visit Rica and go to the Art Material and Methods Expo in Pasadena. OK - so that really is only a 3 day goal - I ought to be able to do would think so anyway. Oh yeah - I also want to start a 4' x 5' painting for Ricks office this week.

Now then, I have come to realize that I have a communication issue - I guess it's an issue. I don't want to call it a problem because for me it is not a problem - but it seems to be for others...and now that I think about it, maybe it is my problem too. I guess if I say something and people don't understand it the way I meant it then it is my problem. But only if I care that people get it - right?

Rick just says I am really, really different than most people. Actually I have been told that my entire life. I don't get it - usually.

In one of my recent posts I talked about feeling heavy and clunky and out of sync in my drawing class. People who have read that seem to think I was being negative or pessimistic or feeling bad about that, or bad about myself. Oddly enough, I did not see it that way at all, and didn't mean it to be understood that way. Uncomfortable, yes. Unpleasant feeling, yes. Negative, no. It was meant to be an expression of a feeling, not necessarily a truth. Just because I felt that way doesn't mean I am that way or see myself as being that. I actually think I am pretty much OK, and pretty cool, and I like me - most of the time actually.

To me, those feelings and expressing them are a neutral thing in a way. Just as in dark and light. The dark defines and describes the light, but that doesn't make the dark inherently bad. It is a necessary thing in order to have the light. Evil is necessary for Good, that is why we have the Bible - that is why God gave Moses the 10 commandments. To be able to discern one from the other, good from bad, right from wrong, perfection from imperfection, etc. Both are necessary for the other to exist, or at least for us to understand or perceive it. I suppose it could actually exist but how would we know if there was no comparator?

Therefore I could never grow or learn or improve if I did not experience unpleasantness and discomfort, at least to some degree. Where would my motivation be to move at all? I actually almost relish certain kinds of discomfort because I instinctively know it's counterbalance is on it's way, and I look forward to it.

There is nothing I love more in life than learning and growing and trying new things - well, most new things. I have grown out of the physical risk-taking stuff - I have experienced enough hurts and injury to know that feeling well, whole and healthy is MUCH better, so I will leave the motorcycles and skydiving and bungee jumping to those who are still learning those things. But give me almost any other challenge...especially a puzzle or an idea and it's game on!

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