Swerve and a Life Altering Crash!

Here is another untitled painting from my recent work. It’s acrylic and 24” x 48”

I consider it nearly done – not quite!

Sometimes there is just no explaining life. So I have had a big swerve in my art work and now a sudden life altering crash in my life – which I am certain will ultimately cause another different kind of swerve in my artwork again. I expect all of this to be incredibly good news and good stuff. In a nutshell, I ended up having emergency surgery, spent several days and nights in the hospital, and am home now doing fine, thank you.

I may ramble on a bit here – so fair warning – you might want to hit your delete button right now, but this has been one amazing journey. Don’t worry – I am not going into all the gory details. Talking about “meds” and “procedures” and medical stuff just makes me want to find a gun and shoot one of us in the head! However, I am  astounded nearly daily at the revelations I have been getting, and they bear recording I think. So here comes a bit of personal journaling.

Things I understand now that I didn’t fully understand before:

1) A new appreciation for pain and what it can do to you. I am no stranger to pain, and I have a high tolerance for it. I have been scalded with boiling water, set on fire, in a number of motorcycle and car wrecks, have had numerous concussions, have debilitating migraines, broken a few bones, and have had babies.  I have never experienced any pain like this.

2) Why hospitals don’t leave surgical tools laying around. Had I been able to gain access  I would l have started trying to cut my own pain out.

3) How someone could be driven to chew their own limb off. I get it now.

4) How creative people can easily get hooked on drugs. I’m not much of an “altered consciousness” fan. Not much of a drinker, dislike drugs, I like life straight and clear. Besides, my body doesn’t react in typical or normal ways to stuff. They had a very difficult time finding the right concoction of pain meds for me in the hospital. There was a period of time where it seemed like every 10-15 minutes they were pumping me full of morphine and something that sounds like “diluted”  and other chemicals that I have no clue what was – but it created a window of time – a creative encounter of sorts -  where I personally solved all the creative problems of the Universe! I did! It was genius! It was delightful and fun and I felt like I was completely clearheaded! I could not wait to get to my sketchbook to record all of these incredible ideas and paintings and sculptures - and there was something about floating through the sky in a rowboat that was awesome! And no, I don’t remember a thing about all of it now – and that is sad. Very sad, for me and the world – as I really did have genius ideas, concepts and solutions. I now have a little bit of a desire to recreate that experience – so I can see where chemistry and artistry may want to encounter each other…and how creative people may partake in that encounter.

Like I said - I have no interest in or tolerance for medical stuff, illnesses, medicines and am not a lovey-dovey, touchy-feely, nurturing, compassionate person. While my family knows without a doubt that I love them and would do absolutely anything for them – they would without hesitation agree with the above statement. If you need comfort and compassion – go to Dad. If you need raw truth and a kick in the a** – call Mom. Just the way it is. While I HOPE that this recent experience will soften me around the edges, and that I will become a more compassionate person, I’m not holding my breath. But I do understand a few things a little better now.

More revelations next time.

The Big Swerve Begins

Currently Untitled

24” x 48”

Acrylic

So the other artists in my mentor group suggested I get angry – and I did! Angry at myself, and began going places that have been barricaded for decades, and this is what is coming out.

I don’t think I will say too much about them just yet.

This is supposed to be an acrylic under painting – to be finished in oils, however at my reception last Saturday I got so much positive feedback that I am reconsidering. I may just leave this as is and do another in oil. Once again – it’s an iPhone pic.

More to come…

a little catch up

Untitled
24” x 24”
Oil on canvas
I’ve just been taking iPhone pics and this is another one. I will have to take a day and do a photo shoot in order to catch up and get some decent photos.
This is the last painting I did before I began my big swerve into another lane. I’ll start posting some pics of those later today or tomorrow.

Maybe Unfinished -

Here is the latest painting. It is a iPhone photo and a really bad one at that. Again in the 18” x 24” range. It is currently untitled and I am not sure it is finished. I had words in the background which got lost and I may put them back in. Not sure. This one may have to simmer for a bit.

Today is going to be sort of a day off for me – I am exhausted, for no good reason, I can feel that virus trying to come back, I have some follow-up doctor appointments from my E.R. trip the other morning, still need to find a plumber for the kitchen, Rick and I had a little tiff and he really hurt my feelings (that NEVER happens) – and I can feel stress in general trying to bash my door in. Years ago I had a doctor suggest that I may have fibro-myalgia. I completely rejected that idea, I didn’t even believe that was a real thing. Now I am beginning to wonder…nah. Well…?

I just completed reading a blog written by a friend HERE where she wrote about her entire life – one year at a time, starting at zero. It was fascinating to me. She seems to have had such a wonderful, wholesome, balanced, healthy NORMAL life. She has fun, good, warm and loving memories from almost every year of her life. Even her trials seem so – manageable and well, normal. Can this be real? Do people really have lives like this?

I have toyed with writing my memories – or an autobiography many times, but I wouldn’t do it until everybody I knew was dead, so I will probably be dead then too. That won’t work. Maybe writing under a pen name… Maybe writing as she did would be a good exercise. It would be a good exercise to try to find at least one fun or warm or “normal” memory for each year – there are many I am sure, but that would be a really big challenge for a lot of years.  Hmmmm….

Yesterday’s Painting

I think the title will be “Church”

It’s about 18” x 24” I think – I forgot to measure. I am totally in love with this painting!!

Three New Paintings

Really?

11” x 14”

oil on canvas

Moth and Rust

24” x 36”

oil on canvas

Hold Dear

18” x 24”

oil on canvas

 

I have a couple more laid out on canvasses, and a bunch in the sketching, planning stages. I am eager to get going on them if my body will just cooperate. Seems like it is fighting me every step of the way lately.

The Most Aggressive Defense Of Teachers You'll Hear This Year

I haven't posted for a while. But I thought this was definitely worth sharing in the meantime -



The Most Aggressive Defense Of Teachers You


go here if the link doesn't show up or work - http://front.moveon.org/the-most-aggressive-defense-of-teachers-youll-hear-this-year/?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d8738978cc569c4%2C8

Have you visited me here?N S Davis Art WebsiteNathalie Davis web site

Winner of Business of the Year

Well, I am so proud to say that Rick’s company – Arbor Scientia – won the Chamber of Commerce Business of the Year award last night – in the medium sized business category. Actually it was a tie with another company – but they announced Arbor first and I was so excited for him I didn’t pay attention to the other one.

Yay Rick – I am very proud of you!

Lessons from my studio walls

Toward the end of January I bought a roll of paper and started a timeline for my art. I have a studio space at home and also a studio I rent in Escondido – so I have one of these in each studio – and they are both different, but similar. They are each close to 6 feet long with about 1 foot per month – so they run through June.

I usually have goals, and they usually get lost and/or forgotten  Not these, and I am learning a lot from doing this. In January, I wrote down  lofty goals and plans – and I mean lofty! How I would like things to go in a perfect world. I needed a place to start, and while they were really big goals, “You gotta start somewhere” and “if you don’t shoot for the stars you won’t even hit the moon” – you know, stuff like that.

Well, I did not meet my goals for January. None of them. I told my mentors I would complete 7 finished still life paintings and also 7 “my choice” paintings – total of 14 paintings. I knew it was a lot when I said it, but….I really thought I could do it. I didn’t.

I have been SO bothered by this it is – (was) - bordering on crazy. I talked to my husband about it and neither of us could remember a time that I did not do what I said I would do. It is an integrity issue for me. Say what you mean, mean what you say - and if your say you are going to do something – then do it! No excuses. I have been running through shame and embarrassment and anger and disappointment – you name it!

But I have reframed it and worked through it – mostly. I still have my moments.

So here is what I am learning from my studio walls:

This would not have been a problem if I were doing my little daily paintings. It’s a big problem doing bigger painting. They take longer – duh! Didn’t think of that. I learned I really do want to work larger – and I need to calculate my time differently now.

Yes, I could have cranked out 14 paintings in spite of all of the various set backs I had this month – but they would be mediocre at best. I learned that quality really is more important to me than quantity. More important than fulfilling a commitment even.

This mentorship program ultimately is centered on LEARNING – and that is what I am doing. I learned a few limitations and how to handle things differently, better.

I learned I need to factor in “ramp up” time. I used up a lot of my time looking for materials and trying to get the lighting right, etc. I finally kind of gave up because I had to get to producing some work – I will continue working on learning the technical aspects – like lighting and looking for props.

I learned it is good to have my goals posted in front of me – no matter how ridiculous they seem – it is easy to cross stuff off and correct them as I go and that somehow feels really good. It feels alive and flexible – like it’s not necessarily cast in concrete – more like clay.

I learned that I need to do a better job taking care of myself physically. Pushing myself to go to the studio and try to create when my body is screaming to go lay down is not only is a bad idea – but it actually set me back about 3 days work. I messed up everything I touched, had a miserable time, and then had the task of trying to correct it all.

I am reminded that I am an eternal being – I am not in a hurry. Relax, it’s not a race. Breathe. Be kind to myself. I forget that stuff.

Most importantly - I learned to “not let my mouth write checks that my a** can’t cash”

Yep – it’s all about learnin’ isn’t it?

An Indie Short

I just viewed a lovely little short video that is actually nominated for an award. It’s based on a children's story – The Lost Thing

To view it go here:

http://www.indiemoviesonline.com/news/the-lost-thing-022111

 

I think you will enjoy it – I sure did.

This is a first!

We went car shopping today. Rick just touched the latch on the back window of this Honda Pilot and the window absolutely exploded! Rick got a few little glass slivers in his hand – but he was uninjured. We were just shocked and it scared us a bit – it sounded quite loud – just like an explosion would.

Never have seen this happen before – it was a shocker – that’s for sure.

Pretty good day

Today I played with the portrait I started yesterday. It went from this:

To this:

And ended like this:

Not sure it is finished, but I kind of like it so far.

An end and a beginning

Here is the end…another just finished painting – I am glad this one is over. For some reason this one just did not go smoothly.

And here is the beginning – just barely a beginning. A nice break from the still life paintings -

On the easel

This is very nearly done. Either it's drying unevenly or needs some fixing in the background. I should know tomorrow. Good day in the studio today.

Finished

This is the finished grisaille portrait if Zara

Mobile blogging

The Grisaille of Zara in progress  posted but not the text-
I am trying to learn how to blog from my phone. I think I have finally gotten it- if this shows up then I will know for sure. 

1

Sent from my iPhone

Learning mobile blogger

Cutie Pie

Another Still Life

 

Another untitled painting on the easel. About 18" x 22" again

. I think this one is actually finished - again this is an iPhone pic and there is quite a bit of glare - especially in the upper left corner, which is actually quite dark.

Have you visited me here? N S Davis Art Website Nathalie Davis web site

My Tale of Woe

Learning – I love learning things, but is it really learning when you can’t remember what it is that you’ve learned? Hmmm –  Pardon me while I whine and whimper just a little, and tell my tale of woe.
First – I didn’t even check the date yesterday and totally missed my brothers birthday! My wonderful big brother whom I love and admire and I can’t even remember his birthday? – bad sister! Bad! Oh, I have alerts set everywhere for these things – but it’s like living next to a railroad track – after a while you don’t even hear the trains go by – I don’t even notice the alerts. And I often don’t pay attention to little things like dates and the time…and the phone…and…that’s beside the point.
I had such high hopes for this month, but so far a lot has not been going so well – and I mean a lot. Let me unload about my most recent fiasco.
In addition to fighting migraines daily for the past week or two, I’ve tweaked my back and wrenched my knee. I am a mess, a big hurting mess.  So last night I asked Rick if he had any icy-hot to rub on my knee. No, but he found this:

OK – that’ll work. So I started rubbing it on my knee. It felt good to massage my knee but I couldn’t feel anything happening – it’s probably old and lost it “power” – so I rubbed more on. Still nothing, so I rubbed even more on. Now I just want to go to bed- I’ll get some new stuff at the store tomorrow. I washed my hands real good like the instructions said, crawled in bed and dozed off. But woke right up with my knee and leg really hot. Oh good, I think – this stuff does still work a bit, it’ll probably feel better in the morning. Good. Back to sleep – only to awake with the bed on FIRE!! Oh My Gosh!!! – not just my knee and leg- but my face, my eyes, and a number of spots on my arms and neck. Everywhere I touched my skin  - it lit up like an inferno. This was a surprise! And a VERY painful one – Like a hot iron on my skin - I’ll take the sore wrenched knee over this burning fire any day! Where the heck is Smokey the Bear when you need him? Am I turning into Pyro?? I washed my hands! What the heck? So I washed my hands again, took some Advil (which did seem to dull the pain a little) did my best to ignore it and repeated it all night long – doze a little, awake burning, doze a little, burn, repeat. By morning it was a bit better – but I had still rubbed my eyes and they weren’t happy with me, as well as touched my face and neck a lot, yikes.
Great, crappy night, but at least it was over. I jumped in the shower and Oh My Gosh! FIRE!! Apparently mixing water and Capsaicin is like throwing water on a grease fire. The whole thing started all over again!
Doing my best to ignore this crazy burning pain, I began getting ready to head to the studio. I needed a little tool I use on occasion – it’s only about 1-2 inches big, and I don’t use it often – but I wanted it today to help me check the colors in my painting. It’s a helpful little thing, but it is small and easily misplaced and overlooked. I can’t find it. Since I have moved stuff around and moved my studios – I can’t find a lot of things. So, tears are running down my face from my eyes burning – various parts of my body are on fire – my head is starting to get the best of me, my knee and back still hurt, I am frustrated as all get out when I run across this:

Yep. Three empty Coke cans that I brought back from Cairo a year or so ago. Who lugs garbage home from Egypt? I just started laughing, remembering Rick’s dismay at my packing them to bring home. I thought the Arabic on them was interesting and I know a woman who does recycled art. She might like them. Souvenirs for the kids or family? not so much – But I just gotta bring that trash home for an artist acquaintance. I had forgotten all about these.
My laughter took my mind off all of my pain and discomfort for a minute. In my laughter – and a moment of clarity - it began to dawn on me – Oh yeah, among all of the oddities and “-isms” I have – I totally forgot about my having “hypersensitivity syndrome.” It kind of comes and goes, and is usually worse when I am under stress.  Like when I am facing deadlines and things aren’t going smoothly and I feel like I am running out of money and time – you know, stuff like that. That is when my skin gets super sensitive and I have to wear my socks and underwear inside out because the seams irritate my skin so bad, and I can’t sleep if the sheets have wrinkles because the wrinkles hurt my skin…Oh yeah. That.
So what have I learned- if anything?
I learned a little about poetic justice. That fire and my brother kind of go together – my shirt caught on fire as a young girl and he put me out. So is there some poetic justice in the fact that I forgot his birthday and then “burned” all night? I kind of think so….
I learned that a little tiny bit of Capsaicin cream might be wiser than half a tube – or maybe none at all would be good, especially when I tend to have very sensitive skin. And I ought to think first – before I slather fire inducing ointment on my hypersensitive skin.
I learned that I rub my eyes in my sleep and touch my face and neck a lot too.
I learned that I forget a lot of important stuff – so did I ever really learn it? Really?
And now back to hunting for my little tool…and taking the Cairo coke cans to see if I can even find the person  I brought them back for (whom I don’t even know well – only met a time or two), then to the studio to see if I can paint through these burning, blurry, teary eyes.
And yes – it is OK to laugh at me – I am still laughing myself -