Monday, February 09, 2009

New Daily Painting a Day and Ramblings

Taking Separate Paths
5" x 8"
Oil on hardboard

The colors in this online photo look "dirty" to me - I have take a bazillion shots and I just can't get it to look as clean and clear and pretty as I think it really is - I quit, this photo will have to do ...and now to ramble and rant. I am having the hardest time with my new project "Joyful-Joyful"...and, well maybe a bunch of other things too. Rebuilding my website has become way too time consuming and confusing. Trying to figure out the best way to offer my little paintings for sale on line has become too time consuming and confusing. I thought for sure I was finished with Ebay - or rather Feebay as many people are calling it now, but maybe not - maybe it still is the best way to go, and I have considered Etsy - it's a very nice site and convenient, but not really "fine-art" oriented- more crafty. (Now that I see that thought in print - it seems super stupid - Like EBay is fine art oriented? LOL!) I have stores at two other e-commmerce sites that I am working on building - but I am not really happy with either one of them, in fact I am not happy with much of anything right now - well that's not true, I am a very happy person - but not happy with the computer related stuff. . Geesh - everything is just too darn time consuming and confusing and I feel like I am reinventing the wheel constantly, and the learning curve is enormous. The thing that keeps me going is - well, I LOVE messing around with the web, computers, pretty much technology in general, and of course my block headed stubbornness and determination that I can and will figure it out! But it is sucking my painting time and energy from me and I need to focus there.

Which brings me to my next point - maybe rant. This "Joyful-Joyful" project is not making me so joyful right now. I am committed to it and believe in it and I know eventually in some form or fashion I will pull it off - but right now, WOW. I know people who don't like to be alone and get lonely and just can't be by themselves or in silence for any period of time. I am not one of those. I am almost a recluse, and I live in silence most of the time but I am beginning to maybe understand the restlessness and discomfort these people must experience. When I set a canvas before me to paint from my head, with nothing to reference (like a model, still life or photo) the emotional and mental turmoil borders on torture. I feel restless, and unbelievably uncomfortable and insecure. I squirm and pace and my mind thinks of everything else I could and should be doing. It suggests to me to go look in a book, go online, work on my web site, clean my studio up, organize my closet - you name it, just to forget it and set up a still life - anything but being alone in my own head by myself with the emptiness that I feel and fear, no ideas, no images come to mind - nothing. [ Insert loud and tortured scream here ] And eventually I cave. Thus today's painting...done in desperation and the duress of being alone in my head. Yes - I caved and went for reference material---but at least I have a title for once... LOL.

Hey - wait - hmmmm. Maybe...Could it be? Am I now a struggling and tortured artist?? Cool. I know for sure I am a starving artist - and I am going for a snack right now - and then to the studio to try once confront the desolate emptiness that is in my head.

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1 comment:

  1. and I thought I was the only one rambling on like this............ =) The 2 cherries have each other. I can relate so well to your post, sigh !!!!